In a recent conversation, I was asked how I felt that I was doing in working toward my goals. Really? In the middle of a lockdown you want me to think about where I’m at with the goals that were set with an entirely different year in mind? Really? Pause. Breathe. Then I asked myself why this triggered me so much.
After a period of reflection, I realized that my perfectionism jumped up and bit me yet again. You see, I’m not a fail-er. I’m an over achiever extraordinaire. “Does not meet expectations” is not in my wheelhouse. And the expectations I set of myself? We could go on for days. Over function much? So this question about goals felt like all the fails, all at once: I couldn’t even tell you what my goals were to begin with. Whatever they were, I’m thinking I didn’t get ‘er done because I was doing all the other things you do when you’re navigating through a pandemic without a map. And just how relevant were these goals given the maelstrom that 2020 is? Again, breathe. You’re taking this way too personally, woman. It’s not about you. Even if you did ever fail to meet one teensy, tiny goal, you are not a failure.
Can we talk about fails for a quick minute? There is an entire genre of these nowadays. Television shows like “Nailed It” and “You Only Had One Job” memes come to mind. We can laugh at the fails of others, but our own? Not so much. Perhaps that’s why we are drawn to such things: seeing others fail feeds those voracious egos of ours.
I am intrigued by the design theory model of “Experiment – Fail – Learn – Repeat” and often talk about it with others. Yet when it comes to living it, I’m not so good with the failure part. I desire to learn and grow. I absolutely have been learning and growing. I can see I’ve come a long way. God’s good like that, not leaving us as we were. The lessons just keep coming. This lesson feels ginormous: learning how to fail. Reality check: Redefinition of goals because of scope creep (thank you project management training) and pandemic chaos does not make me a failure. God’s grace is sufficient. Remember that, dear woman. Give yourself some grace, goalee. You’re overly defending the net.